From One Golf Parent to Another…

From One Golf Parent to Another...

Recently my son Grayson, my daughter Madison Rose, and I played 9-holes of golf on Crooked Cat at Orange County National Golf Center and Lodge in Winter Garden, Florida.

Grayson was hitting the ball remarkably well and was one under for quite a few holes! Did I mention he just turned 13 years old?

Then, we came to the ninth hole. A slight dog-leg left with water guarding the corner. He decided he was going to hit over the water (carry about 240yds) leaving himself about 50 yards to the hole. I suggested he lay up, but also told him the decision would be his and to stay committed to the shot. He went with the driver, went through his preshot routine, lined up, and… hit it a bit too high and into the water. He was devastated. As Madison Rose and I could clearly tell by the way he dropped to his knees and yelled, “Noooooooooo!”

I’m not a psychologist, therapist, or counselor… but I am a parent to two AWESOME children who love to play golf! And I’m happy because THEY (not me forcing it on them) want to play golf. Hopefully because I’ve made the game fun for them.

So I’ll be speaking to you as a parent… AND… as a golf coach who works with a ton of juniors and who sees and hears some of the interactions parents and their kids have when it comes to golf, performance, tournaments, and practice. So here are some of my observations… and how I responded to Grayson. Perhaps there is something here for you.

1. It greatly hurt Grayson when he plunked his tee shot into the water… and his great score plummet with it. It stung! He was disappointed. Frustrated. Sad. He felt like his heart had been ripped out. PARENTS… for me to tell him that the round didn’t matter would have been an insult to his intelligence and his skill. He knew I’d be lying. Of course it mattered. It mattered greatly to him or he wouldn’t have reacted as strongly as he did. So I acknowledged his feelings and felt sad along with him and gave him a BIG hug! And if he wanted to cry… I would have let him… on my shoulder.
2. I praised Grayson for his effort over the result. For his club choice. For his reasoning. For his great preshot routine. I could have said, “I told you to lay up but you didn’t listen to me and that’s why you hit it in the water and ruined your score!” But that wouldn’t have helped… would it have? PARENTS… instead I SINCERELY told him how proud I was of how he went through the process, stuck to his decision, and how he handled the outcome.
3. I let him know that it was okay to be sad and that I understood because I have been there before (and will again) and yes there will be another day and that I loved him… unconditionally! PARENTS… Golf is not who Grayson, Madison Rose, or your child is. Golf is a game that they play. And if they decided to quit playing tomorrow… I would love them just as much. PERIOD! It kills me when parents walk off the golf course in disgust, anger, frustration… when their child has a less than stellar round in a junior tournament as if they tried to play bad on purpose! Sometimes I just want to shove a club in the parent’s hand and say, “Let me see you play!”
4. PARENTS… after the round… way after… and when he was ready to talk and had settled down… I asked if he had any thoughts on what HE thought happened. And when he talked about it… I listened… as a psychologist, not as his swing coach. Did he lose his concentration? Did he get nervous? Was he overconfident? Did the water psych him out? Immediately, he started talking about his swing mechanics and how he had to work harder on it and practice more. However, I suggested to him that he just lacked experience. Experience of feeling the pressure of a phenomenal round or being in the lead in a tournament and that he should play more golf. His swing was fine…
5. And finally… I told him that golf is full of near misses, changes in momentum, narrow escapes, creativity, and at times… luck. And that I thought it was cool that he put it all on the line and chose the shot he did and that he didn’t try to pretend like he didn’t care about the outcome… because he did. PARENTS… I wanted him to learn from this experience and we talked about his thought process… but I also want him to maintain his creativeness when playing… to take chances at times… to try things… even when others think it’s crazy… even when the outcome doesn't always turn out as expected.

Madison Rose and Grayson

I want to be inspiring, encouraging, and supportive of Grayson’s and Madison Rose’s golf game… really... their lives! A parent once fired me as her child’s swing coach because she didn’t think I was tough enough on her. That if she didn’t go out and shoot a 44 or better in her next 9-hole tournament, I’d make her practice harder. She was eight years old. I’m not in the business of being tough on my students. Sorry… never going to happen. Life is already tough enough on them. Instead, I want to encourage them and to show them how to enjoy the game more by introducing them to the necessary skills needed. I want Grayson and Madison Rose to WANT to play golf… not because I MAKE them play. I mean doesn’t that sound silly? You have to MAKE someone PLAY? As in PLAY?

Peace… Love… Golf!

Posted in: encouragement, golf lessons, inspiration, junior golf, junior golf lessons, junior lessons, Ted Eleftheriou